Spinning a yarn

Spinning a yarn

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

It begins... Alpha Blue Session Report

Last night we had our first session in our new Alpha Blue Campaign. This will be the first of 7 / 8 weekly session reports following the game. I knew we were off to a good start when the first 5 minutes centred around whether Necrophilia counted if the body was still warm and if you had your penis replaced with an elephant trunk would it try putting peanuts up your arse? It's going to be hard to do it justice but here goes...

The Players

Brother Ezekiel (played by Scott) is a lucky god fearing fellow with a fetish for robots and a belief that he needs to bring the good word to the people of the universe! He is also the proud owner of a currently OP God gun (of his own design, not Alpha Blue approved), you'll see why it's over powered...

Kanan (played by Dom) is a Con Man with a thing for cougars, who pilots 'The Cyclops Snake' (blue flamingo class ship). He is a wanted man with a full scale manhunt for him.

Dash Calypso (played by Tom) is a mutant, entirely oblivious of his condition, with some mysterious mutations I cannot yet go into and even the player isn't aware of them all. He's really into exhibitionism!

Sister Mary (played by Ven) is a slutty tiger nun alien with a boob window in her habit. She is extremely well armed for a woman of the cloth and preaches safe sex, handing out condoms (both regular and mind condoms). There's something hinky about her DNA though...

Astra (played by Rachael) is the ship's medic, a xenologist into sub / dom relationships. She wears a pink leather outfit similar to a mankini and a white lab coat. She has her own lab on the ship and a pair of furry handcuffs being put to great use so far!

Arden (played by Matt) is a lucky gambler that is embracing his skills putting them to use gathering intelligence.

Vena Astra (played by Kat) is a plant based alien, super turned on by Popsicles who unfortunately due to her alien DNA (and not because Kat is away at the minute) was unconscious for the entire session.

House Rules

When creating characters (individually prior to the game) I discussed with each if there were any trigger topics that might make them uncomfortable and should be avoided. Due to the nature of Alpha Blue I wanted to be sure it was a safe and fun environment for all. Topics that were out included:
-Rape (unanimously, this undoubtedly puts people off Alpha Blue)
-Racism
-Paedophilia
-Genital Mutilation
-Religious Extremism
In our game, the entire population of the galaxy is so disturbed by these things that you will undoubtedly be mobbed and air locked very quickly. No amount of D6's can save you from a mob the size of Alpha Blue's populous.

The next difference in how I run it is that the interstellar caliphate was changed to the interstellar wall. The interstellar wall is a group of terrorists who plan on making the universe great again through illegal acts of terror. Fuelled by hate and fear the members of this group are blind to the fact that their leader Aldo Thump (referred to as The Don) is actually using them all for his personal agenda: his profit margin.

The opening of the game involves the players waking up with amnesia so I took away one of the career roles from them (except where they had strong ideas or it just worked with my plans) to surprise them with later and gave them a lot more flexibility on their characters, so a lot of the characters detail are picked by player rather than rolled on a table.

I also have a rule (which has not yet come up) which is to avoid spending hours roleplaying sex to beef up hp prior to a big battle. If you want to have sex more than 3 times a session, you have to role to see if you can still get aroused. The first role will be at advantage, second at normal and third (plus any thereafter) at disadvantage. Blue dreamers add 1 d6 to the dice pool.

The Game

Players awoke in the Med Bay on Alpha Blue with Amnesia. Dash was behaving oddly as though he were sleepwalking perhaps but it never really got explained. The group were filled in by a hot nurse as to what had happened; an orgasmatron malfunction resulted in them all losing their memories. They had Alpha Blue Ident Cards which had their name, room number and date of arrival on as well as a picture (these were actual props to help players identify each other) and were told that they formed the crew of the Cyclops Snake.

The players decided to investigate their rooms and Brother Ezekiel was disturbed to find his room had been unlocked, allowing a couple of horny passers by to use it for some sexy fun time! All the players found a little something in their room which included furry hand cuffs for Astra, Rope for Kanan and a contract for Ezekiel. The contract was signed that day and had him newly employed as ships hand to the Cyclops Snake. This caused quite the disturbance and as he tried to get away Astra decided to handcuff him to Dash. A contested role led to Dash being handcuffed to Astra instead. Just then Officer Eric Shun showed up to take them in for questioning regarding the orgasmatron. It turned out that the combination of laser fire inside the machine, the presence of indigo haze and some glitches in the system causing high levels of radiation had caused the amnesia. Players had no knowledge of this but did present the contract, which had been witnessed by Skye Candy. Skye Candy it turned out was a missing satisfier, presumed dead as another victim of 'The Unsatisfied Killer' currently killing off sex workers.

Sadly the interview was interrupted by flashing lights and alarms followed by Officer Shun and all the other police frantically scrambling out. The crew decided to leave but became split when Ezekiel and Kanan went toward the screaming, growling and laser fire sounds, Arden decided to poke around the filing system, Sister Mary went to retrieve the contract and Dash & Astra went off to have steamy shower sex!

Kanan quickly decided it was best to leave Brother Ezekiel to his fate and went to find Sister Mary. They then preceded to have sex on top of the police photocopier, safe sex of course!

Meanwhile Arden was finding info on the unsatisfied killer and found a wanted poster for a familiar looking man he couldn't quite place.

Brother Ezekiel was left face to face with a brain bug somehow out of containment and decimating the unprepared, barely dressed security forces. He was nervous but fired his god gun into combat, set to epiphany. Unfortunately a crit fail resulted in Officer Shun having the epiphany causing him to be devoured by the brain bug. Ezekiel shot again this time on rapture and a crit success resulted in the heavens parting and the brain bug being carried (still alive) on the wings of angels toward a bright light... heaven is in for a shock!

Arden then arrived and noted the door had been opened somehow, CCTV wiped and JCN the computer (with the face of Jason Statham) informed him it was more glitches. He also managed to loot 2 security access crystals.

Ezekiel felt an overwhelming urge to pray but a well meaning medic misunderstood and directed him to the blue light district where he fainted due to the shock of a sinning cleric and a sexbot who seemed to know him all too well!

Astra and Dash decided to check out their ship where they ran into Jeeves the butler bot who offered them refreshments and informed them of how ships policy was to delete all records so as to avoid being caught. Criminals don't keep ships logs apparently. He also mentioned them visiting with their pink haired friend (Skye Candy) yesterday. Dash found a photo of sister Mary with a young gangster looking man.

Sister Mary and Kanan by now had an audience of cops enjoying the sex show and the photocopied close ups but eventually also decided to go to the ship.

Ezekiel decided he would need to set up his own chapel and went to rent mall space but found the proprietor, Starbuck, was the same woman from his room earlier. She agreed to rent him the space and had him sign contracts while pressing against him naked. Poor man would have signed anything trying to ignore her!

Arden went off to the casino to investigate the interstellar wall but only found a useless drunken idiot. He then went gambling...

TO BE CONTINUED....